I'm a hopeful gal. I often wonder how hard life would be without hope. It's what gets you through those really hard days. I also consider myself charitable. If charity is "the pure love of Christ," it is definitely something I'm striving for. But I have found many tests of my faith lately, tests that caused me to question the amount of faith I really had.
We're currently looking for music teaching jobs to which Jay can apply and hopefully have for the Fall. I feel that I am very hopeful and optimistic about finding at least one job for him, and I've even been doing some of the legwork for finding opportunities. And yet, for a while, whenever it came to asking the Lord what we should do, little pangs of doubt throbbed in my heart. I was scared.
I had to get over this fear. This week has been one of testimony-building study. I'll be honest; scripture study for me has always been reading the next chapter in the Book of Mormon before bedtime. So this week, I realized I needed to put a greater deposit into my spiritual bank account. I decided that in order to understand the will of Heavenly Father, I needed to actually learn how to understand His will.
On Monday, I focused on revelation. This is how Heavenly Father speaks to us about our lives. This is how He answers our prayers. I learned that revelation in and of itself is a miracle, and because that is basically what we were asking for while job-searching, I moved my focus to miracles.
Reading about the miracles of Christ broadened my definition. Miracles do involve a divine power, but that power is not limited to healing the sick or giving the blind their sight. I seriously think I receive divine help when I get out of bed in the morning (senioritis is hitting me hard, y'all). Most importantly, I learned that in order to receive a miracle, you must have three things: prayer, a felt need, and faith. I certainly had two out of the three.
It all comes back to faith.
"Faith is things which are hoped for and not seen," according to the scriptures. Hope is something I have plenty of. Is this where my faith stems from? More than a belief, but a sound knowledge rooted in optimism?
Yesterday, my studies turned toward the Book of Mormon chapters we had read the past few evenings, and I remembered the story of the brother of Jared. The Lord commanded they build ark-like boats to sail to the promised land. Because these boats looked pretty similar to what two bowls look like suctioned rim-to-rim, the brother of Jared wondered what his people would do for air and light. He asked what should be done for each, and the response was interesting. The Lord gave an additional commandment to solve the air situation (cut a hole in the top and the bottom of the boat and plug them up when not in use), but allowed the brother of Jared to come up with his own solution for light. The brother of Jared pondered a while, created 16 stones out of molten ore, and then returned to his place of prayer and specifically asked the Lord to touch each stone with His finger, imparting light into them. Upon ending his prayer, the brother of Jared found that the finger of the Lord literally was touching the stones before his eyes.
Last night, I experienced a mighty miracle. No angels appeared by our bed to tell us to pull out our laptops and go to specific websites for jobs. No booming voice sounded in our ears with any instructions. No, this miracle occurred within me. Jay and I pray together each night, and it was my turn to offer it. I thought of the brother of Jared, his specific prayer with a solution he had studied in his mind. I offered up my own prayer with the solution Jay and I had discussed. I took a step into the darkness, looking for the Lord to light the way.
Tears rolled down my face as the pangs of doubt and fear ceased in my heart. The love I felt for my Father in Heaven grew exponentially with every word I spoke. I continued to pray as Jay put his arm around me. God heard our prayer; He has been listening all along.
The fact that I felt the change, that is the miracle. I no longer think Jay and I will be alright in the future. I don't believe or even hope. I know. It is fact. There is no doubt. Our prayer will be answered, and very soon.
God still reveals His will to man. We see it every day, we feel it in our hearts. Whether you call it revelation or not may be a personal preference, but that's what it is. And it's beautiful. God loves us too much to leave us comfortless, in the dark, without hope. Sometimes we just have to open our eyes to see the finger of the Lord. Sometimes we have to ask for the miracle.
And that takes faith.
No comments:
Post a Comment